Internet safety has always been at the forefront of ContentWatch's mantra.  But while technology can help ensure a safe online experience, communication, education and good parenting are truly the keys to their safety.  In other words, involved parents are the foundation.

Net Nanny has provided parents with Ten Internet Safety Tips to help protect your family online.  While you can view all ten here, I'd like to expand on three of them. 

1. Install an Internet filter or family safety software - Ok I know I'm a little biased, but just the idea of having a filter installed will make your kids behave more appropriately online.  Internet filters are also great at preventing those accidental clicks that would normally open a hundred porn pop-ups.  Don't forget how helpful filters are with unruly teens and inappropriate Instant Messaging (IM); or if they post the occasional inappropriate pictures on FaceBook. You wouldn't race a motorcycle without a helmet right? (RIGHT?) Well, don't leave you kids alone on the Internet without a safety net.
   
   
2. Teach children what to do if they encounter pornography on a home or public computer, such as at a school or a library – A lot of parents decide to install parental control software after an incident has occurred.  Being proactive is the smart thing to do, but in the meantime it's important to teach your children what to do if they accidentally stumble on something inappropriate.  Most tech-savvy teens can figure out what to do, but for those that don't, you should give them something easy to remember.  Stop, OFF, and GO.  It's kinda like STOP, DROP and ROLL.  Tell them to STOP what they are doing, turn OFF the monitor, and GO grab an adult.
3. Set specific Internet guidelines for your children to live by and consistently enforce consequences if they are not being followed – After you've installed Net Nanny, give your kids some freedom and don't be so restrictive.  If they break the rules (and Net Nanny will tell you if they try) you can tighten the reins a little.  For example set a few categories to “Warn”—this will let your kids make intelligent decisions and give them some freedom. If they continue past an obvious warning, you can change it to “Block” and be more restrictive.  You can do this with time restrictions as well.  If you give them 2 hours a day on the computer, but they use 3, simply set Net Nanny to enforce the time restrictions.  Just remember, an Internet filter should be a complimentary tool to your already established house rules.

Here are the rest of the online safety tips:

1. First educate yourself, then your child.
2. Teach children the obvious identity rules.
3. Know the dangers associated with sites your children frequent.
4. Manage your children's time on the Internet.
5. Keep computers out of children's bedrooms and in open areas.
6. Create a relationship with your children that is conducive to open communication.
7. Understand Internet Privacy Policies as they apply to your child.

And remember—Net Nanny is here to help, but like I said, involved parents are the foundation. Be an involved parent.

“No one would ever see a drunk, passed out in the gutter, and say, ‘There lies a perfectionist!' But that's exactly what I was! If I couldn't do life perfectly, then I wouldn't bother even trying.”


These were the words of a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, describing himself before he was “restored to sanity” by the principles and practices of humility contained in the Twelve Steps. 

The following comments were sent to me by a dear friend. See if they ring true in your life experience.

Perfectionism Is At the Core of Almost All Addictive Behavior
I know it sounds like a glaring contradiction, a cruel paradox, but it's absolutely true—most addicts are obsessed with perfection! They perceive that in order to be of any real value; to be loved and accepted, they have to be perfect. And when the pursuit of perfection wears them out, they seek escape through addiction. This then piles on the guilt and shame, and once again they clinch their fists and grit their teeth and start the whole perfection thing again—and so goes the cycle, over and over again. 

I think we react so negatively and mercilessly to imperfection in ourselves and others because we have fallen for a lie that suggests there can be no allowance for learning by our own mistakes. We are constantly shaming and blaming ourselves for not being perfect and we are filled with disgust toward anything less-than-perfect about ourselves or the world around us.

If you think about it, this is really a kind of “perfection idolatry”—worshipping perfection as the only way we can be valuable, loveable or “good enough.” The irony is that this harsh and unreasonable approach to ourselves and others, only separates us from God, others and ourselves. The fact is, our chance to experience imperfection in this life is exactly the way God intended it to be. 

I couldn't agree with my friend more! She is absolutely right--perfectionism often triggers and fuels addictive behavior. Many of us (I suffered with this for 30 years and I still feel the residue) believe that if we do "everything perfect" then maybe, just maybe we will be "good enough" for God and others to accept us. 

When we set total "perfection" as the daily level of performance we "must" attain to be acceptable to ourselves, God and others, we set ourselves up for failure. Why? Because we have placed a rigid, unreasonable, unattainable burden on our own back that we can only bear for so long until it wears us out. And, it also wears out those around us because we often require the same level of perfection from them as well. Then, when we are exhausted--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, our "perfectionist--all-or-nothing" attitude says, "If I can't be perfect, then why try?" So, we seek out self-medication to help sooth our feelings of unworthiness, shame and guilt--and to simply have an outlet and get a reprieve from our internal "merciless dictator/critic." If we don't release in this way, we will simply collapse under all the pressure. 

Then, after we escape and self-medicate (which comes in many forms including substance abuse, pornography, food, anger, depression, as well as outlets that are neutral or even healthy) we feel "guilty" for failing to pursue perfection so we start the whole process over again. 

The grand key is to realize that there is only one overriding feeling we should have for ourselves and others—unconditional love. Our Creator's love for us is completely unconditional—we cannot earn it, nor can we make ourselves unworthy of it. It is always there, unconditional and constant. 

With UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as the motive and fuel for everything we do, we realize that we and all of us are in this life to learn by our own experience, by our own trial and error. And hopefully, over time, baby-step by baby-step, we are “becoming” better at choosing that is which is good; that which is light and love. 

If you go back to the origins of the word "perfect," it means "complete" or "whole." Each of us has our own unique potential--our own place of "completeness" to be evolving toward. It is a process of making mistakes, learning from them and moving forward. In some things, it may take us 763 of the same mistake before we finally say "I get it! I'm ready to move on!" Does that make us evil, hopeless, flawed or "not one of the good ones"?  Of course not—it makes us “human.” It's called "life." 

Does all of this mean we shouldn't try to improve. Certainly not. But, we would all do well to lighten up and be far more gentle, forgiving and compassionate with ourselves and each other. Amidst all our noble efforts to learn and grow and overcome, let's not forget to notice and embrace all of the simple joys and wonders along the way. 

For More Information:
If you want to learn more about the Brain Science of Porn Addiction, and how to protect your marriage and family from this addiction, get Mark Kastleman's acclaimed book, “The Drug of the New Millennium.” You can purchase it online at Amazon.com.
If you or someone you love is trapped in pornography use, please visit www.candeocan.com to learn how to break free.  

If you've been reading our Candeo articles or listening to our podcasts, you know that one of our areas of intense focus is the “brain science” behind pornography addiction. In our full recovery training program, we explore this brain science in great detail. We look at questions like: How does pornography viewing alter the physical and chemical structure of the brain? How does addiction circuitry develop in the brain and why does it have such a radical impact on human behavior? Once this addiction circuitry is formed, how does one shrink this circuitry, build new healthy circuitry and return to healthy behaviors?

            The ability to overcome addiction is built into the very structure of the brain itself. It simply requires an understanding of how the brain works and how to harness and direct its power for change. 

            The human brain has amazed and baffled people throughout the ages. Some scientists and researchers have devoted their entire lives to learning how the brain works. Here are some facts about your brain that you may not know:

Physical Attributes

•      The weight of your brain is about 3 pounds.

•      Your skin weighs twice as much as your brain.

•      Your brain is made up of about 75 percent water.

•      Your brain consists of about 100 billion neurons.

•      There are anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 synapses for each neuron.

•      There are no pain receptors in your brain, so your brain can feel no pain.

•      There are 100,000 miles of blood vessels in your brain.

•      Your brain is the fattest organ in your body and may consists of at least 60 percent fat.

The Developing Brain

•      At birth, your brain was almost the same as an adult brain and contained most of the brain cells for your whole life.

•      A newborn baby's brain grows about three times its in the first year.

•      Humans continue to make new neurons throughout life in response to mental activity.

•      The first sense to develop while in utero is the sense of touch. The lips and cheeks can experience touch at about 8 weeks and the rest of the body around 12 weeks.

Brain Function

•      Your brain uses 20 percent of the total oxygen in your body.

•      If your brain loses blood for 8 to 10 seconds, you will lose consciousness.

•      While awake, your brain generates between 10 and 23 watts of power -- or enough energy to power a light bulb.

•      The old adage of humans only using 10% of their brain is not true. Every part of the brain has a known function.

•      The brain can live for 4 to 6 minutes without oxygen, and then it begins to die. No oxygen for 5 to 10 minutes will result in permanent brain damage.

•      A study of 1 million students in New York showed that students who ate lunches that did not include artificial flavors, preservatives, and dyes did 14 percent better on IQ tests than students who ate lunches with these additives.

Psychology of Your Brain

•      You can't tickle yourself because your brain distinguishes between unexpected external touch and your own touch.

•      There is a class of people known as supertasters who not only have more taste buds on their tongue, but whose brain is more sensitive to the tastes of foods and drinks. In fact, they can detect some flavors that others cannot.

•      The connection between body and mind is a strong one. One estimate is that between 50-70 percent of visits to the doctor for physical ailments are attributed to psychological factors.

Memory

•      Every time you recall a memory or have a new thought, you are creating a new connection in your brain.

•      Memories triggered by scent have a stronger emotional connection, and therefore appear more intense than other memory triggers.

•      While you sleep at night may be the best time for your brain to consolidate all your memories from the day. Lack of sleep may actually hurt your ability to create new memories.

Dreams and Sleep

•      Most people dream about 1-2 hours a night and have an average of 4-7 dreams each night.

•      Studies show that brain waves are more active while dreaming than when you are awake.

•      Some people (about 12 percent) dream only in black and white while others dream in color.

•      While you sleep, your body produces a hormone that may prevent you from acting out your dreams, leaving you virtually paralyzed.

Source: Nursing Assistant Central December 31, 2008 http://www.nursingassistantcentral.com/blog/2008/100-fascinating-facts-you-never-knew-about-the-human-brain/
 
For More Information:

If you want to learn more about the Brain Science of Porn Addiction, and how to protect your marriage and family from this addiction, get Mark Kastleman's acclaimed book, “The Drug of the New Millennium.” You can purchase it online at Amazon.com.

If you or someone you love is trapped in pornography use, please visitwww.candeocan.com to learn how to break free.