The Nanny Notes

Nina Laltrello, MFT

Would you drop your children off alone in the crack house district of Los Angeles? How would you feel about dropping them off at the famed Red Light District in Amsterdam, alone, and unsupervised? Every day unsupervised children inadvertently find their way to internet porn sites. The average age of a child’s first exposure is 11 years old (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005).

Andrea Eldridge

These days we spend more of our lives online than ever before and our kids are certainly no exception.  Parents and caregivers hear more and more about the risks our kids are exposed to on the internet and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the flood of risks and tips.  One question we get over and over from parents is how to protect their family from cyberbullying.  In this 2-part series, we'll explain the lingo and give you some tools to arm your kids in cyber-land so you can protect them even when you're not with them.

There are so many terms that refer to online abuses; it can be hard to keep them straight.  "Cyberbullying" is harassing or intimidating someone over the internet through mediums such as email, instant messaging, social networking sites (e.g. Facebook and MySpace) and cell phones.  There are several types of cyberbullying:

Flaming and Trolling - sending or posting hostile messages intended to “inflame the emotions of others.

Happy-Slapping - recording someone being harassed or bullied in a way that usually involves physical abuse, then posting the video online for public viewing.

Identity Theft/Impersonation - stealing someone’s password and/or hijacking their online accounts to send or post incriminating or humiliating pictures, videos or information.

Photoshopping - doctoring digital images so that the main subject is placed in a compromising or embarrassing situation.

Physical Threats - sending messages that involve threats to a person’s physical safety.

Rumor Spreading - spreading gossip through e-mail, text, or social networking sites.

Unfortunately, anytime your child is online they can be targeted.  From social networking sites to online gaming (both via the computer and through a console like X-Box or PS3), to texting and chat rooms, our kids are spending more time exposed than ever before.  However, it's not as scary as it sounds, I promise, particularly if your kids avoid riskier behaviors that can leave them more vulnerable.  Recognizing the risks and communicating about how they can protect themselves is the first step to keeping them safe.

Cell Phones:  A recent study from the Pew Internet & American Life Project (www.pewinternet.org) shows that teens (ages 12-17) use text messaging to communicate with their friends more than e-mail or instant messaging.  "Sexting" is a sexually-explicit text or picture message sent by one minor to another.  According to Pew, only about 4% of the teens they surveyed say they have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude image of themselves to someone via text message; however, 15% have received one, and older teens are more likely to be the recipient.

Online Gaming:  Online gaming allows your child to communicate with hundreds (sometimes thousands) of other people inside a giant chat room.  The anonymity can provide your child with some safeguards - if they don't tell anyone who they are then no one is likely to target them. However, they can leave themselves pretty exposed if they share too much personal information, or get too emotionally invested in the game.  These games often have a competitive aspect to them, from fighting with other players for in-game items to "killing" other players, sometimes extremely realistically.  Bullies may feel empowered to be mean and can go to extreme lengths to follow another player around, mock them, repeatedly "kill" them or spam them with nasty messages.

Social Networking, Email and Instant Messaging: Children sometimes forget that what they share or post can be forwarded just as instantly as it was received, setting themselves up as a potential target if they share private information.  Some kids intentionally post or share intimate details of their lives because they believe it will help them gain popularity. This can leave them a prime target for a cyberbully.

With all the ways they’re potentially exposed to danger, should you just unplug and live off-grid?  Next week we will share our tips and tricks to help keep your kids safe online.  In the meantime, drop us a note on Facebook (facebook.com/nerdsoncall) or chat LIVE with a NERD at www.callnerds.com for help with your family’s cyber situation.

Clayton Ostler

Recently a close friend had a life changing event. He went to purchase a car and was denied a loan due to poor credit. After he investigated the cause of the poor credit he found out that someone else had been using his identity for over a year. This person had taken out loans and then never paid back a cent, all in my friend's name. According to the credit report he had defaulted on nearly 30 thousand dollars of loans.

I found out from my friend that a little common sense and effort on his part could have helped him avoid this entire scenario. Together we identified 5 things that we felt would have helped my friend mitigate the effects or possibly stop the identity theft he experienced. Most of these are just common sense.

The 5 simple things we came up with were...

1. Use your credit card before your debit: The monitoring and protection associated with a credit card are much better than that of a debit card. I frequently get calls from my credit card company that have stopped a charge because it was suspicious, but my bank has no such service.  The liability with a credit card is usually limited to a small sum, but debit cards can have an unlimited or much higher liability amount.
2. Actively monitor your accounts: I cannot tell you how many people I know that don't look at the bank statements except to check the total available balance. I have close friends that pay their credit card bill every month without reviewing any of the charges. You can't know there is an issue if you don't look at your accounts. 
3. Look at your credit reports: Most people only check their credit when it's time to ask for a loan. This is a scary way to find out there is an issue. Checking our credit report is incredibly easy and gets easier and cheaper all the time. I suggest you check your credit report 3-4 times a year at least.
4. Don't shout out your private info: I am still shocked when I am standing in the line at the grocery store and I hear someone reading their credit card info out loud over their phone to another person. This is a simple suggestion: Be cautious and discreet when giving out your personal information. Look around before you start giving out info on the phone, look over your shoulder before you type in your debit card code. Be smart about how and where you share info.
   
   Here's a concept for you: If your bank account secret question and answer is your birthday, and your birthday is published on your Facebook page how secure is your bank account?
5. If someone asks you for your info, question why and make sure it's a legit reason: Although it is still considered theft, I have a hard time feeling bad for the person who gives out their SSN, credit card info and other personal details to the anonymous caller  who is just calling to verify your bank account info. I was once asked at the Doctors office for my SSN, when I asked why they needed this info. The receptionist told me that she “didn't really need it. I then responded “then I won't be sharing it with you.

Jacob Perry

Via the Family Online Safety Institute